Grief-5 Basic Steps

This is the season when our grief hits us the hardest. We are entering into those seasons of great memories, and hard memories. Because of changed situations, waves of grief might be falling upon us.

Waves of grief: I remember it well, and it has the potential to come  again, over and over again. Washing over me and my family. Its like the ocean. You think the water has stopped, all is calm, and suddenly wave after wave begins to splash all around you, above you, and sometimes carries you away. I had forgotten how grief comes in waves.

One of my call verses to ordained ministry comes out of my first story of grief. When my own young husband died suddenly in a car accident 25 years ago leaving me behind with two babies-the unbearable grief almost got the best of me–but God was there all along. God is with you too, though you may not feel it at this time.

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2 Corinthains 1: 3 has the Apostle Paul’s greeting the people from Corinth with these words:, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”

Now I am here to walk alongside of others in their own grieving process. In all that experience it still does not “prepare” you for the next time when you will be in the midst of grief. The second worst day of my life came three years ago, when my brother-in-law, the very one who had stepped in to help me when my husband had not been there, died suddenly of a massive heart attack. This kind of heart attack is called the widow maker, and virtually there is nothing anyone can do when it strikes. One day he was healthy, working out in the pool and helping strangers in the nursing home, the next morning he woke up not feeling very well, and died shortly thereafter. Ron was only 61, loving life, and serving others.

And now my cousin’s husband, suddenly departed this earth on Thanksgiving day; and all the loss of the people I love at the church I serve. It is never easy.

So how do we cope? How do we survive? How do we go on living when sometimes there seems to be very little to live for? Here are 5 basic steps, a very good place to begin. Sometimes in the beginning of grief, we need to go over these basic steps daily for a long time:

1) Grief is a process, it takes time. While this seems basic sometimes we forget that grief is not something we “get over” quickly. We can be grieved over many things: Loss of a loved one, the loss of a job, kids moving out of the house, divorce, a change in our own health status or that of one we love. I remember when I attended a grief support group for young widows and they told me I would not feel whole again until 5 years. I remember thinking, “There is no way I can make it that long in this condition.” 5 Years was right, I did not feel fully alive again until 5 years later. (Sorry to be the bearer of that bad news, but keep reading there are things you can do NOW.)

2) Take time to grieve. Give yourself space and permission. Some circles call this the “white space.” This is unplanned time to allow yourself to be, to remember and to be sad.

3) Tears are healthy. Use them. Take time to cry. It might seem that you have already been crying far too much, maybe it seems that there are no more tears left. Tears also help you process. There is a chemical element of tears that is cleansing. After the two year point when my tears no longer came at regular intervals several times a day, I would take some space and listen to music that would MAKE my cry. This did two helpful things: It helped me control my emotions in public, and it allowed the grief process to continuing working in me.

4) Find out how you “process” things and DO it. I have discovered that I process life events with pictures. So I pull out pictures of my loved ones and go over them and remember. (I even did this when my dog died, I loved my dog!) Maybe you process by telling your story. Find a trusted friend or a pastor who will listen to your story. Tell it over and over again, this helps the processing. I have also found that writing to my loved one in a journal helps me process. This had an added benefit in that months later I could reread my journal and really see that I HAD made progress in my grief work even though sometimes it FEELS like you are standing still.

5) Don’t leave God out of the mix. The Risen Christ Jesus promises to be with us until the end of the ages. (Matthew 28:20) The biblical witness reminds us from the beginning to the end that we have a God who loves us, who cares for us and who will be an abiding presence with us.  But in the midst of our grief sometimes we feel that God HAS abandoned us, we feel that God has forgotten us and we feel like God doesn’t care about us. God is big enough to hear your cries of pain and hurt. There are very real persons of faith, particularly in the Psalms of Lament (Psalms 22, 88 and many others,) who cry out in their pain and they ask the question, “God where were you and where are you now?” (Psalm 22 is what Jesus cried from the cross, “My God, my God why have you forsaken me.”) Cry out to God, and when you cannot seem to pray for yourself, ask others to pray with you and for you. (Get on a church prayer list, have faithful friends pray for you, find a Christian prayer and healing service near to you.)

This is a contemporary praise song that helps me in times of being in the desert by Hillsong United entitled, “The Desert Song.”

Grief work is hard, but whatever you do do NOT do nothing. Doing nothing will only help you become bitter and self destructive. REALLY! May the God of all comfort comfort you in your pain and grief.

In Christ,

Pastor Sarah

Read Thru the Bible~1 Corinthians 1-2 (Unification of the Universal Church)

Read Thru the Bible~1 Corinthians 1-2 (Unification of the Universal Church)

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(Pictured, the ruins of ancient Corinth.)

The ancient city of Corinth located in Greece, was where Paul shared the Gospel of Jesus Christ during his second missionary journey. (Check out Acts 18) After Paul spent some time with them, maybe up to 1 1/2 years there, Paul and some compatriots left Corinth to go start new churches. As Paul continued his travels he heard there was some conflict among the Corinthians, so he sent this letter and other letters to follow, to help the faith community work out their differences, and to remind them that it is by the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and no other message that we are saved. Our read through the Bible video has an excellent description of what was going on in this faith community.

As we read chapters 1 and 2 today, perhaps there are two things Paul would continue to scold us for today in modern life application. First and foremost, there is this question of unity. If we are all unified by the Gospel of Jesus, why is there so much division in the Universal Church? Perhaps this will be the first question we are all asked on the day of judgment. While Paul used the example of different leaders coming through the city and their teaching, we have the different denominations that have been used to divide us. Paul says, “Let there be no divisions among you!

Friends, can we put aside our differences and work together for the Gospel message? In addition to denominational differences, we have differences within our own denominations, we have theological issues that continue to divide us. Can we agree to disagree and move forward?Many people believe that we are now in  a post-Christian world. If that is truly the case, we need each other. Paul appeals to us to work together for the common good, which is the Gospel message.

The second point Paul brings to us is that the Gospel message must be in the forefront of all we do. “ For the message about the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.” All other things fall into the background against this simple and profound truth. Yet we in the Universal Church have found all kinds of things to argue about and we have forgotten to keep this truth in the forefront. By the way, this is not a one time thought that Paul gives us, but rather we see this theme running throughout his letters. Paul says the reason we are here, the reason that he has been willing to risk his life over and over again, is to bear the truth of the Gospel message. Christ died for our sins, was resurrected, and we can have his cloak of righteousness in exchange for our sinful nature, just for accepting his grace and mercy given to us at the cross. This is the simple truth. We in the Universal Church try to make it too complicated.

John Wesley said, “If your heart is as my heart, take my hand.” Can we as the Universal Church have unity and together point to the work of Jesus on the cross? We have a long way to go. What is one thing you can do, for a neighbor who is of a different denomination, for a friend who is of a differing theological opinion, to show unity among us. “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.” Check out this song with the same title.

Read Thu Bible ~ Job ~Waiting

Read Thu Bible ~ Job ~Waiting

We are in the book of Job in our read through the Bible series. Job is perhaps one of the most difficult books of the Bible to understand. The reason for this is that Job is trying to figure out how God’s justice works in the world. Job and his friends are trying to make sense of the suffering in the world. Humans have tried to make sense of suffering since the beginning of time. If you have not watched the video on Job, check it out here.

Meanwhile, what do we make of Job? For years there has been an adage of being as “patient as Job,” yet Job is anything but patient. His friends do one great thing for him: For the first week, they sit with him and wait, saying nothing. Then Jobs friends try to tell him he is in the wrong, they argue and contest his innocence.

My favorite part of this powerful book is when God answers Job out of the whirlwind. Beginning in chapter 38 God responds to Job’s accusations against God saying, “Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding. Who determined its measurements—surely you know?”

Like Job and his friends, I, too, am waiting. I am waiting for next steps. I am waiting to see God’s timing on the birth of my granddaughters. As I wait, I feel helpless. As I wait, I wonder where my patience has gone, after all, it is a fruit of the spirit. As I wait, I watch all of the other responsibilities that I have ebb and flow, while I am in a holding pattern. As I wait, I think of Job. He demanded a response from God as to his plight, and God’s answer is perhaps an answer to us all. “Where were you when I laid out the foundations of the earth?” Can you tell me……

When I read this magnificent poetry I stand in awe, once again, that the God of the universe even cares about me or my waiting. And I think about others in the biblical witness who had to wait for God’s timing….

  • Sara, Hannah, and Elizabeth all waited to be with child
  • Simeon and Anna waited to see the salvation of God in the form of baby Jesus
  • The women waited at the cross of Jesus watching him die
  • And the disciples waited in the upper room for the Holy Spirit to come….
  • The list goes on and on……

We all have the opportunity to wait. While we wait, God works on our hearts in new ways, to grow us, and God shows us grace. God uses this waiting to mature us as better disciples, and the Fruit of patience is being cultivated. And those things that we were supposed to be doing, well, God will take care of that too, in new and wonderful ways. So I am growing in grace, and I am waiting; just like Job was waiting.

When have you had the opportunity to wait? How did God offer you unexpected grace in the midst of waiting?

Meanwhile, while you are waiting, keep reading through Job and check out this song “While I am Waiting” by John Waller.

Read Thru Bible ~ Exodus ~ Who is this God?

Read Thru Bible ~ Exodus ~ Who is this God?

This past week as we read through the Bible together we have had the opportunity to discover some of the characteristics of God. Exodus helps us answer the question, “Who is this God?”

We get a close up picture of who this God of the Israelites is through God’s call to Moses. In chapter 3 we hear God say to Moses, “I have observed the misery of my people who are in Egypt; I have heard their cry on account of their taskmasters. Indeed, I know their sufferings, and I have come down to deliver them from the Egyptians, and to bring them up out of that land to a good and broad land, a land flowing with milk and honey…”

What does it mean for us that God sees us, hears our cries, knows our suffering, and comes down to rescue us? What does that mean to you for this day, a day of abundant snow on the East Coast, a day that is hard for some of us, and a joy for others?

In fact, God did see the hardships of the Israelites and called Moses to rescue them. Can you imagine the picture of all those Israelites leaving Egypt and going to a foreign land? Have recent world events given us similar pictures? Those leaving Syria due to war torn lands–They too are refugees, just as the Israelties were. What does God call us to do in this time of flight, this God who sees, hears, knows and comes down?

If you did not watch the video on the Holiness of God, you might want to catch it here. Tomorrow when we worship together on-line, we will use the Exodus passage to talk a little bit about this God who watches over us.

I hope you will be able to join us on line, Sunday morning the 24th at 11:30 am. This is the link to join us at zoom.us.

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Read thru Bible ~ Lay your Issac Down ~ Genesis 22

Read thru Bible ~ Lay your Issac Down ~ Genesis 22

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How do we grow in discipleship? One way is by spending time with God through God’s word. That is what we are doing this year. Spending time reading Scripture together. We have chosen this plan as it reads straight through AND they have produced videos to help our understanding. In addition, they have a nice app that you can download on a smart phone or you can ask them to send you a daily e-mail. If this plan doesn’t work for you, there are many to choose from–find one!

We will connect regularly through this blog and we will reference the readings through the sermons from time to time. Don’t be discouraged. Do what you can, the videos and blog will help.

The beautiful things we find here in Genesis is that God’s chosen people are just like us–they have feelings of excitement, discouragement, and at times, feel abandoned by God, just like we do. Reading Abraham’s story gives me encouragement. He was promised by God that he would be blessed, yet the blessing did not come, and it did not come. He was required to wait, and we know how hard that waiting is. Abraham did not wait for a little while, he had to wait for a LONG time until the blessing of his son with his wife Sarah arrived. During that time of waiting, even Abraham thought that God had forgotten him. Abraham needed to hear the promise again. Yet Abraham is the one whom is the Father of the nation, he is the one to whom faith and righteousness is credited.

Some of that faith came out of the reading for today. In Genesis 22 God is called to lay down his Issac. God calls Abraham to offer up his firstborn son to God. The very one who was to carry on the family name was to be sacrificed. There is so much to say about this chapter. The real question that comes is, could I do it? Could I lay down that which is the most important to me, my children for God’s sake?

I cannot answer that question, but I can ask myself another question. Do I believe that Jesus is enough? Do I believe that Jesus will take care of my needs and provide?

Abraham believed that God would provide, and that is exactly what God did. Abraham moved out on faith-knowing that the family dynasty might come to an end before it even began-and Abraham followed God’s call.

Don’t miss the New Testament symbolism here. The very thing that God was asking of Abraham, God will do with his own son, with Jesus. Jesus will be sacrificed on the cross for all of human kind.

Is God asking you to sacrifice something from your life in this new year? It is not Issac that God wanted, it was all of Abraham, fully devoted to God, that God wanted. Is God asking you to lay down your “Issac.” Your Issac might be a habit, or a thing, or something that is more important to you than God is to you. God wants to be the most important thing in our lives. What do we need to lay aside to make God top priority? Ask God to empower you, through the Holy Spirit, to lay down that which consumes you and your time, so that you can give yourself wholly and fully to God.

Check out this song about Abraham laying down his son.

Post Christmas ~ What now? Post Advent Devotional

Post Christmas ~ What now? Post Advent Devotional

When I was a kid the post Christmas season always seemed to be a let down. I was so excited about Christmas itself, that I often failed to see that part of the beauty of welcoming the Christ child was the process. We forget process in our day and age and go for the end goal. There is beauty in process…there is beauty in the journey.

Christmas is a time to remind us that there is much more ahead BECAUSE of the Christ child. Now that we have celebrated the light that has come into the darkness, we can BE that light in the world.

What does that look like for you, being the light of the world? Maybe it means enjoying the process and the post-Christmas celebrations. After all, we are actually still in the 12 days of Christmas. For the early Christians, Christmas day was just the beginning of the celebration. In our culture, Christmas day seems to be the end all. The Christian calendar defies that the season has ended, but encourages us to be part of the process.

What would it look like to just begin the celebration now, a few days after the day of Christmas. How can you enjoy the Christ child today and celebrate and reflect all that the Messiah brings?

 

 

Advent Devotional, Dec. 25, by Pastor Sarah Dorrance

Advent Devotional, Dec. 25, by Pastor Sarah Dorrance

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through him, and without him not one thing came into being. What has come into being in him was life, and the life was the light of all people. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it.” John 1:1-5, NRSV.

We were in the Italian catacombs around the outskirts of Rome. Our guide turned off the lights that were shining on the myriad of tunnels—and it was dark, everything was pitch black. A full minute in the dark seemed like an eternity. I was ready to have the light shine on us again, especially in this place, a place where those of the early centuries had been buried. It was an eerie feeling. How do you feel when you are in pitch darkness?

Jesus was God enfleshed—the Word—the Logos—who came to bring light into the pitch black darkness of the world. Through Jesus life came into being, and that life was the very spark—the illumination that shines into that darkness. Like the catacombs in which I had stood, is there a part of your life that seems dark that needs the light of Christ shining in it? Is there a part of your life that needs new life—the spark of “being” all that God created you to be? Come to the manger. Let the light of Christ shine on you; Let the life of the newborn child flow through you.

Prayer: Jesus, Savior of the world. Shine on me, Lord, shine on me. Let my worries and concerns become smaller as your light and life grow bigger and brighter. Thank you for the gift of the Christ Child who gives me new possibilities in this life and beyond. Amen